The Green River Narrows - A Trip Report!!!

This whole trip actually started out on the Fri. before my birthday (which was on Mon.). Clinton and I were at Ed’s Tavern with a few other folks and he casually asked if I wanted to go to the Green on Mon. Knowing that it would be my birthday, I thought that the Gnarrs would be a fantastic B-Day present to myself. And since I didn’t boat on New Years Day (which I really wanted to do) I started to really consider it. I didn’t dwell on it too much for the rest of the weekend until I got a text from Clinton Sun. afternoon asking again. After making a few calls to various boaters, we were able to find a third and it was GO TIME!!!

We got to the put-in around eleven and started the hike in. I have to say that it was a good feeling to be looking at the other side of those trees on the trail for the first time. I was nervous as hell on the drive up and the shuttle. But oddly enough, on the hike in I seemed to find a bit of inner-peace. I kept telling myself, “You belong here! It’s your time!”. I don’t know if I believed what I was telling myself, but I must have because I got in my boat and off I went.

There’s a little bit of Class II warmup, but looking back, I don’t think it was enough. Because when the river started to tighten up and the walls started closing in, my heart started to race! The beginning of the “Good Shit” comes right after a left hand turn in the river, and once rounding the bend, you’ve got Bride staring you in the face. Start right, go right of the rock, then turn left, point it downstream and punch the hole at the bottom. I got the first part of that right. I started right, went right of the rock, but didn’t get the left turn. Instead, my boat turned right, and I ran the last half of the rapid backwards, right into the hole and flipped. GREAT!!! Now I’m upside down on the first rapid of one of the sikkest runs in the southeast! First roll= NOPE. Second roll= NOT TODAY. Third= YEAH RIGHT. Bow rescue. AHHH AIR! I don’t see how fish do it. Now I’m FREAKING THE F*CK OUT!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!? I’M NOT READY FOR THIS!!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!! Clinton later told me that I would not have flipped had I done the “Back Boof”. They got me calmed down (barely) and we continued on down.

Next up, Frankenstein! I ran the right-side line. Three foot wide chute with a six-foot boof into a “room” that’s maybe large enough to fit a small car into. Good boof stroke, decent landing, and eddy on the right. NICE!!! This “room” is one of the most memorable places on the whole river for me. It’s walled in on all sides, there’s a big jumble of wood that has choked up what, I’m guessing, was an opening at one time, and the water coming over the drop that I just ran has the whole place full of mist. Mystical is the only word I can think of to describe it. I’m in there by myself, can’t see anyone and I’m thinking to my self, “Holy Sh!t, I on the Green River Narrows! Ferry out under the traditional line and eddy out.

I don’t really remember Pincushion other than Clinton telling me, when I asked “What is this one?”, “I tell ya at the bottom.” Hmmmm, I don’t like the sound of that. No problems though.

WhaleTail was next. Start in a RL eddy, drive right and finish coming off the WhaleTail to the right. DO NOT go left on the Tail. There is a little slot over there that’s big enough to grab a boat, but not big enough to let it go!

Boof or Consequences. Alternate Line. Right side. It’s a narrow slot under a large boulder on your left. Eleven o’clock boat angle and you’ll catch the auto-boof. Then a little bit of mank and eddy on the right. No problem. I’m starting to get the hang of this!

On the agenda next was Go Left. I ran the sneak which is called the Squeeze. You drop through a tight little slot into a small pool, and then take a ten foot slide into the big pool below Go Left. From the pool looking back up at Go Left, you really get an appreciation for just how BIG that sucker is. I’ll stop here to say Good Job to Trent, who I don’t think had originally planned on running it. You know what I’m talking about Trent. But he came through it upright and smiling! Way to go!

From here I got out to walk Zwicks and Chief. And I think that by walking those I also walked Reverse Seven Footer because I don’t remember that one. Once back in my boat below Zwicks I ferried to the RL eddy just above Pencil Sharpener to walk Gorilla. It was awesome to watch Clinton and Andy run Gorilla. They both took different lines through Pencil Sharpener; Andy far left and Clinton far right. My heart rate was accelerated briefly as I watched Clinton get stern-squirted coming through The Notch and into the eddy above the Monkey. Both he and Andy had great lines off the launch pad and both stayed up-right through The Speed Trap.

Now it’s time for the infamous seal launch below Gorilla. For those of you thinking of running the Green, I’ll tell you something that no one told me. When doing the seal launch, don’t be afraid to build up some speed coming down the rock. I DIDN’T! I came off the rock and got enough of a boof stroke to turn my boat. But with no speed, I dropped like a rock, landed on the rock shelf below and STOPPED. F*CK! I JUST BROKE MY BRAND-NEW BOAT!!! At least that’s what I was thinking, but it seems to be alright. Not much I can do about it now though. The water coming off Gorilla has really picked up some speed, making the ferry to RR a challenge. But I made it and was on my way back down stream. It felt good to be back in my boat. I don’t like walking. I was really feeling good by now and was excited about the next few rapids.

The first of which is Scream Machine. After making the ferry below the seal launch you’re on RR and right on top of a ten footer. I knew that I wanted to be on RR at the bottom to go right of the huge rock in the middle of the river but finished kinda center. I was able to ferry back to the right and continue down to Nies’ Pieces. You can run right or left here. I chose right. After coming around the big rock, there’s a small hole below a three to four foot drop. Then about twenty feet down stream you need to be as far right as you can, driving right with a left boof stroke. You almost want to dry-out on the RR wall. With a good enough boof stroke and a little luck you will clear the nasty hole at the bottom of this twelve to fifteen footer. CLEANED IT!!! One of my best lines all day!

Next in line were PowerSlide and Rapid Transit. A couple of BIG slides that really get the heart racing. On PowerSlide you start in a RL eddy and work your way right, skirting a hole that’s center on the left and then punching through a curler that wants to send you left too early. Don’t remember much about Rapid Transit, but was kinda like PS. BIG AND FAST!!! Eddy on the left to portage Nutcracker and scout Groove Tube.

Groove Tube was another fave. I ran the middle which consists of ferrying out of a RL eddy to center. After that it’s basically point and shoot! You drop over a small two to three foot ledge, control your speed and line up for the big drop. Not sure how big, but I’d guess twelve to fifteen feet. Oh, and make sure you catch the eddy on RR because Sunshine is dead ahead.

Sunshine=Portage. Nuff said.

After Sunshine, there’s some smaller IV stuff, like Col. Dick’s and All American Boof, most of which I don’t remember due to not being told what it was. Then it flattens out for a little while til you come to Toilet Bowl and Hammer Factor. Toilet Bowl is a blur as is much of the lower section of the Gnarrs. The day was filled with so much adrenaline that I’m surprised that I can remember any of it. My memories of Hammer Factor, however, are quite vivid. From an eddy on RL you start down a tongue driving left. You want to keep lots of left boat angle and have some momentum to avoid squaring up on the hole that sits under the large undercut rock on the right at the bottom. I didn’t drive far enough left and got turned right and pitoned into the undercut rock and flipped in the hole. Luckily the undercut flushes and I ended up in the pool below, upside down and struggling to roll. Yet another bow rescue and all is well. After Hammer Factor, there’s another few hundred yards of Class II run-out and you’re at the take-out!!!

WOW!!! I DID IT!!! I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! I FIRED THAT SHIT UP!!!

On the way there that morning, I told the guys that I had two goals for the day. One was to have fun. And there’s no doubt that I accomplished that. The other was that I wanted to leave there with the desire to come back. Well you can believe that I’m ready for more. That place is MAGICAL! I now see what everyone’s been talking about! It was bigger, steeper and harder than I expected it to be. But it was also way more fun than I expected it to be! It’s not just another river; IT’S THE GNARRS!!!

I have to admit that I shed a tear or two at the take-out. Not just because I felt lucky to be alive (and I felt more alive than I ever have!), but because of what I had just accomplished. This is a run that I’ve been wanting for a long time and I gotta say it felt DAMN GOOD! But it would not have been possible without the help of a few people. A HUGE thanks goes out to Clinton Koontz. He didn’t just “get me down”. With short but accurate descriptions of rapids and patience when it was needed, he provided a very comfortable, memorable and easy going experience. Thanks Clinton! Also in our group were Trent Thibodeaux, Andy from Spartanburg (I think, sorry I didn’t catch your last name), and Jeff Matonis. I owe you all a huge debt of gratitude!

Oh and BTW – When are we going back?